FC Dallas Select U-11 soccer

When Ryder arrived home tonight and saw his FCD backpack, organized it, tried on all of his gear? It hit me. We're Select. We did it. We didn't talk about it then bail. We're all official.

And I did it w/o financial help from his father or from my parents. Me and Ryder? We did this together. I am proud of us.

Another soccer update

Jedi won this a.m. Opponents scored first. R equalized with a PK, and it was 1/1 at half.

W scored our second goal, then R scored two more (hat trick!).

Opponents came back to score two more goals, but we won with a final of 4/3.

Sporting FC match followed ... was nil/nil at half. Sporting won with two goals in the second half. Second one was R's - just before final whistle. He was happy.

2/nil final.

Both teams undefeated so far for Spring. Five matches between two teams over next eight days.

Love to watch my boy play.

Spring soccer: An update

Yes, we had a Sporting (Fire) match at 7:15 last night. It was a great game ... we led with the first goal, then they equalized and it was 1:1 at half.

FC Dallas took the lead 2/1, then we equalized, then they took the lead 3/2, we equalized ... then they again took the lead 4/3, we equalized ... and finally won 5/4. It was great to see the boys apply the pressure to win and not just give up (they could have). Both of my folks were there, and I'm glad my dad got to see a competitive match.

The Sporting team continues to see turnover, with core folks like Greyson leaving, etc., but they have actually looked great lately. I'm curious to see what becomes of this team ... if they really go Select or if it falls apart. I'm staying close to the Warners on this trying to determine direction, etc. Everyone loves Adam (including Ryder), so that's a good thing. But we are short players - no subs last night, one sub today - and I don't believe everyone on the team will show up when it comes time to cough up $$$ for Select (the "shit or get off the pot" moment is coming). I just want to ensure I have a back-up plan and that I'm not blind-sided or left in the dark. I had a good convo with the Warners this eve, and they assured me that I won't be caught off-guard. Going with faith.

Anyway, I digress ... Ryder scored one goal last night and assisted a goal, as well.

We had to be at our match today at 7:30 a.m. for 8 a.m. start. We beat Highland Park Scots 3/nil. The shut-out was nice b/c our opponents looked strong ... either team could have won it, but we just dominated. Ryder scored the third goal of the match. Should be an interesting season for Sporting.

So the eight-game Jedi spring season looks something like: two games in Feb., ZERO in March b/c of rain, and six matches in 11 days in April b/c of make-ups. Is this a season or a tournament? Really.

It's going to be hectic. I'm a little perturbed w/mother nature's havoc on our schedule, but it is what it is.

Both teams are undefeated so far this season, but there's ground to make in a short period of time over the next few weeks.

And there is your play-by-play of Ryder soccer.

Thanks for asking.

Txt

"I'm just sayin', another kid on the team is adopted and has two mothers, so we aren't the only ones on stage at the freak show."

"You are not part of a freak show. Everything was dandy until Bozo showed up. He's the circus attraction."

Yes, this is part of a text conversation I had today. Yes, the first sentence was what I sent.

And so I read it again before I typed it here. And trust me, I don't judge. And I'm all for marriage equality (everyone should be subject to suffer marriage), and I couldn't give a shit what others want to do in their private lives. So I shouldn't have necessarily delivered that statement the way I did. But it tells you a lot about how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking.

It became kind of necessary for me to share the news about my son's father's reappearance to the team soccer manager ... and I told him in confidence because quite honestly? My son's father is an embarrassment, and it's not something I would ever want my son's peers to know about.

And then there's this one blogger I read, who lost a teenage son to a drug overdose, and she often posts these articles that make the claim that addiction is a disease. That it's not the person's fault. I've heard a lot, read a lot, experienced a lot over the past decade regarding this, too. I see the argument on both sides.

There is no real point to this post, other than I continue to make my way through the waves that my son's father keeps creating in my previously calm water.

Can we do yesterday all over again?

What a wonderful Mother's Day! My mother, son, and man collaborated to make me a very special card ... it's on my bulletin board in my office already ...

And then, we had two matches remaining in our weekend soccer tournament ... we were in third place and had to play the second place team to see if we advanced to play first place or if we fell and had to compete one other team for third. I knew it could go either way.

But the weather was beautiful and the boys played hard, and that first match was a draw that went into PKs ... and we won 3/2. I get such a rush watching those games. It's time I spend truly "in the moment," which I get from yoga practice, only my practice is much harder and less exciting  : )

So we went from third place to second and had to play the first place team in the finals ... the opposing team pretty much intimidated our boys when we played them the day before. They're good; they're strong. Watch out for 91, boy. And my kid took that 91 out of the game at one point (not purposefully, just playing hard defense, like he does). At the half, we were actually up 1/nil. Then we were up 2/nil ... and I was just waiting for that clock to run out ...

Our boys united and rallied to beat a very competitive team and won the Competitive Cup -- 1st PLACE! It was a joy to watch and was truly the perfect Mother's Day ever.

Not to mention, my son's father decided to opt out of Sunday's matches -- he acted like he was doing me a favor by not coming, by "giving" me Mother's Day, and I said, "Doesn't bother me; come if you want. It's up to the boy ..." He said he and the boy had made the decision. So ok, whatever, but what's the catch?

At any rate, his not being there, really did make my day more enjoyable, spending it with my mom, my son, and my man, too. And wow -- those boys, with their giant trophy ... I LOVED it  ... their excitement, the bonding, the celebrating.

Now it's Monday ... and I just want to put yesterday on repeat.  : )

Hope all of you mothers out there had a wonderful day!

Hold me, Thursday

Great news! The gigantic oral ulcer, perhaps crop of ulcers, that decided to show up in my mouth Friday? Almost gone. Also, I'm pretty sure I'm losing weight. I never bitch about losing weight. It's easy enough to put pounds back on anyway.

Two soccer practices were canceled due to weather this week and one match has been canceled (so far) ... and I've felt I've had to communicate with the baby-daddy (BD) because he had planned to attend these events ... and then I realized, eff this. I sent a note to the rec coach, cc'd BD, and requested he be added to the email distribution list. At least that takes me out of the middle of that. Let him watch his own email account.

I'm dealing with a lot of resentment right now. I'm dealing with a lot of everything; but let me tell you, I do have me some resentment. I know it's not good. I know we're supposed to forgive people and let things go, but until this situation stabilizes, I'm likely to be all over the map emotionally. And I'm pretty sure that means for like, the rest of my life.

I'm not even ready for the weekend. During the weekends I can't hide at work, and I like to hide at work. Maybe it's time I try an old hiding spot -- the yoga studio ... we'll see ... not sure I'm ready yet.

A coaching conundrum

So you know, this blog isn't going to be all about the train wreck that will arrive at my doorstep Friday. But I'm sure that it will provide some interesting posts, no doubt.

I'm tired. I had to be at the office a little earlier than usual, and I'm not much of a morning person. And I have a team dinner tonight, so it's going to make for a long day. And I'm going to need a sitter.

Luckily my sitter is the man I've recently decided to allow to be a part of our lives. I mean, I've known him 15 years already. But that's sort of another story. Or a different part of the story.

What I have to decide today is regarding soccer. And my son. It's always about my son.

He's been playing soccer since he was four years old. And from the get-go, he had natural ability ... he dominated the recreational pitch ... and I got him into a skills program. And that was a really good program for a while ... but soccer in this city is competitive and political and ... financial.

Though he still plays recreational soccer, he also now plays for a select team. He knows it's a bigger deal, and unfortunately, I think his nerves get the best of him, and he just doesn't perform as well for this particular coach he's currently under. Switching to this select team kind of mixed things up for him. I've witnessed him lose confidence. I wonder how much of this has to do with the fact that he hasn't seen his father since August of last year, about the same time he started with this particular select team.

Coach says be patient. It's been nine months. And I'm not good at patient.

So I'm considering switching coaches, but staying with the same organization ... thinking a subtle change will be less of a jolt than a total change.

At any rate, we'll see what happens there. I'm ready to leave this current coach but am waiting for the sub coach to get back to me. And while I'm waiting, the current coach invites us to additional practice. He wants my son at practice more.

That makes sense to me, but it's the getting off work in time and commuting him twice a week -- actually three times a week -- to practice ... with games on Saturdays and Sundays. That's five days of soccer per week.

And my job is kind of important ... and I'm kind of still "new" at work ... just so much change lately is making me struggle.  Geez, I wonder where my kid gets it from? Lord help us.