First Bikram 60-day challenge in 2014

When I started this current 60-day Bikram challenge: I was excited, pumped, all "I got this! Whoo-hoo, bring on the challenge!"

Two weeks into the challenge: "OMG, when is this going to be over? Seriously, why did I do this? Life is busy, and this takes time, and it's really hard. I'm fatigued and sore." Also, "This is my first challenge while working full-time = bonus points."

Practice No. 30, aka half-way into the challenge: "Whoo-hoo! I'm half-way there! So glad I'm in the middle of this ride. But wait, I'm only half-way there? Where exactly is 'there?' Oh yeah, 'there' is when the challenge is over, but practice will continue since I am training for August retreat in Mexico."

And I've realized that the bigger challenge is maintaining a consistent practice, as part of an improved lifestyle, for a lifetime.

Namaste.

Insomnia-induced decisions

So this morning I had an idea. I couldn't sleep ... woke up at 2:30 a.m. unable to go back to sleep. I need a new mattress. And I did go to bed last night at an hour that could possibly insult the elderly. Regardless, I decided to take advantage of a kid-free morning and ...

... at 5 a.m. I turned on the faucet and started brushing my teeth. From the bedroom I hear boyfran mutter, "Time to get up already?" I am never up at 5 a.m. on a kid-free morning. My first conference call wasn't even until 8:30 a.m.

I started laughing, and I felt giddy and proclaimed, "I'm going to yoga. 5:30 yoga." He responded: "I'm not," which wasn't necessary to say since he's never been ever, and that made me laugh harder, and then he followed with "Fuck that. I'll still be sleeping when you get back at 7:30 a.m. But I guess you gotta go to at least one 5:30 a.m. class in order to realize you never want to do it again." He was kidding, and I was laughing at the insanity ... and the things one will go through to put a silly sticker on a 60-day challenge calendar. As my friend Tulasi says, "I just do it for the stickers."

Boyfran was supportive though and got up, slid into his jeans, and I'm all, "What are you doing? You're getting up?"

He replied, "I gotta move the truck so you can get out of the drive."

Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on …

I love the new Eminem song, especially as a person who has possibly reached a limit for being angry with a parent. Song made me cry.

Read the Mashable article, watch the video and don't forget to grab a tissue.

Grateful this Mother's Day for ...

1) Getting the weekend with my son, which is something I previously took for granted and appreciate more these days.

2) Unexpected flowers from my men on Friday, to kick things off.

3) Someone scrambled my eggs Saturday.

4) Yoga Friday and Saturday.

5) Grilled salmon dinner at the park Saturday eve, celebrating my son's rec team's season victory.

6) An amazing day of shooting at the East Texas range today, followed by buying my kid some new summer clothing.

It was a great day, really. I hope everyone had a fantastic Mother's Day. I surely did.

The mouths of babes

This made me lol because, well, a really funny, 20-something guy pal said ... hard to explain ... We were talking about kiddos growing up. About my son. And I totally feel like Felicia oftentimes these days because my kiddo is just growing too fast. My pal said, he's totally like, "Bye, Felicia." But in a funny way.

I had to look it up. Because I am old. (Also, I love gay men.)

From Urban Dictionary:

When someone says that they're leaving and you could really give two shits less that they are. Their name then becomes "felicia," a random bitch that nobody is sad to see go. Their real name becomes irrelevant because nobody cares what it really is. Instead, they now are "felicia."

"hey guys i'm gonna go"
"bye felicia"
"who is felicia?"
"exactly bitch. buh bye."

Life to the gut ... still

They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. If so, why don't I feel invincible? Why do I feel like I lost a fight with life? I'm beat up, and it's taking longer than I anticipated to get comfortable again and gain confidence.

On a positive note (since I said I wasn't bitching here, and I'm honestly not, I'm just sharing a secret I'm carrying around), yoga is helping.

I managed to wean myself entirely off all medication, and I'm pretty sure I couldn't have done that if I weren't practicing yoga so dang much. I've not taken any meds since March, and I am happy about that. I am gaining control of my anxiety some. It still sucks though.

Tis all for now.