Radio silent

Yes, I met with my attorney this week. No, I haven't posted about it.

The reason: She couldn't tell me anything I wanted to hear.

That is all.

Our Jedis

The fourth-graders scored their first goal on our third-grade recreational soccer team fast in the first half tonight.

My son scored the equalizing goal in the second, our only goal that match. We thought it was going to be a 1/1 draw, but our opponents got one more in goal in the last few remaining minutes, marking the end of a 43-game win streak for our boys.

But I've never been more proud of my son nor the team. They were over-confident at the start of the match, having beat their opponents a week ago 4/1, but they pulled it together and rallied til the end. It was a good lesson and an amazing match.

Engaging legal counsel

Meeting with her Monday, which can't arrive soon enough. More later ...

Very, very sick

So the good news is that I got to pick up R yesterday. And the messed up part was I had to drive to Fort Worth, to my dad's mother-in-law's (M's) to get him.

Driving there, with T in my passenger seat, the closer we got to the house, the more I wanted to puke.

This whole scene is sick and twisted, and incestuous. I can't get over it.

I went into M's house when she invited me to do so. She was pleasant but did not remember me. Because of her Alzheimer's. She said I looked like someone she once knew. It was sad.

She took me through the house to the area where my ex-husband resides. And as I passed the kitchen refrigerator, I noticed photos on the fridge ... of my son and his father, that I could tell my father's wife put on display, certainly to make things "home-y." Photos of Ryder as a baby with his father. No photos of me, as there have been in the past, of course. Are you feeling queasy yet?

We found the guys in their room, R sort of hiding from me. It was awkward.

M was clueless, said we didn't have to rush off, but I explained that we had an hour drive back to Dallas and had to get ready for school and work today, after our Spring Break.

I was just stewing though ... I got in a bad funk, depressed that this is my reality -- that I have to drive to M's house to fetch my son ... and I realized how friggin mad I am at my father. My therapist will say this is not his fault. But I have a hard time seeing how the hell it's not his fault. Besides I don't know who else to be angry at. Sure, I'm pissed that my ex husband is disgusting enough to accept a free place to stay from my father's wife. But I divorced him for a reason.

My family, I thought, was supposed to support me. The whole thing is very, very sick.