Things they don’t mention when you’re considering Invisaline

So right around my birthday, mid-summer, I decided that since I can’t prevent aging, and I couldn't much prevent throwing money to attorneys, that I’d go ahead and spend some dough on physical “self-improvement.” I decided to get Invisaline and straighten my teeth.

                                    

While I had braces in middle school, my bottom retainer popped off unknowingly between dental visits, and my teeth shifted a bit. It’s something I've been a little self-conscious about, and again, I had another BIRTHDAY and also, I needed some retail therapy at the time, so I said “Sure, sign me up!” And my dentist took photos and made impressions … and I just knew I’d have perfect teeth in no time at all. Easy-peasy.

“Sometimes I’d tell my son to put in his trays,” my dentist said, “and then he’d tell me he was wearing them. That’s how unnoticeable they are.”

If you check out the Invisaline website you’ll read, “No one needs to know you’re straightening your teeth.”

OK, so no one needs to know, but let me tell you this:
You aren't fooling anybody!

It took weeks to get my first set of “starter” trays, and I don’t care if they say they aren't creating much movement yet, I’m here to tell you that the trays aren't comfortable. They’re tight and yes, they are painful, and suddenly you’ll be reconnecting with your 13-year-old self and listening to They Might Be Giants on regular rotation.

("Particle man, particle man …")

Also, they aren't *invisible*. Sure, they beat the heck out of braces, but instead of 3D-looking “clear” braces or metal braces on top of your teeth, you have pretty thick plastic. And really, aren't plastic teeth totally natural looking?

So anyway, the starter trays, yeah, I kind of figured wearing those didn't really matter all that much, and so I didn't put them in my mouth for weeks before I re-visited my dentist to pick up my first real set of trays three weeks ago. (It does take a long time for them to make your first real set.) I confessed this to him, and he reassured me that this was OK – since those were just starter trays. But since we’re now actually going to be moving my teeth it’s essential that I wear them.

I've been doing as told, and I start my second set of trays tomorrow, which I’m sure will be tight and painful and will cause headaches – all in my vain attempt to have perfect teeth and find the fountain of youth sans teenage angst. This mid-summer decision resulted in 48 weeks of plastic trays (well, 45 weeks now) … and this is apparently what happens when you’re in your late-ish 30s, slowly losing your mind.

Seriously, look around … how many late-ish 30-year-olds are you seeing with braces? The number is really more than I expected. At least I’m not alone in my vanity.

So I may eventually have perfect teeth ... if I maintain my discipline. In the interim, please try to ignore my lisp and shiny plastic smile. I know I’m not fooling you.