Traveling Soldier

My best friend is traveling on a Harley from Washington, D.C. to Winnipeg, Canada, right now. (Actually, he stopped in Columbus, OH last night, but I don't care to acknowledge that state.)

I really wish I was riding on the back of that bike.

Suck it, Monday

Monday is going downhill fast.

Lunch hour today required I leave campus, consume a half a pack of cigarettes and a shit ton of Diet Coke before returning and acting like everything is NORMAL.

Control

Yeah, yeah ... you haven't heard from me in nine days, yada, yada.

I've sort of had nothing to say. I've spent a lot of my time working. And sleeping. And trying to get a live, in-person appointment with my attorney.

"The wheels of justice turn slowly," they say; and I'm pretty sure it's because I'm paying by the hour.

They also say "You have a three-legged stool -- one leg is 'fast,' one is 'good,' one is 'cheap.' You can only keep two of the legs, so which one are you going to give up?"

Well crap, then I'll give up "cheap." I want fast and I want good the most. But somehow I'm pretty sure that "fast" is an imaginary leg anyway, and I really should be as focused as I am when practicing the standing, one-leg balancing series during Bikram yoga.

So there's that ... those legalities that cloud up every sort of forward-moving plan I have right now. And I'm fairly certain that this damn legal battle may cost me every damn dime I've worked for, so you know what else I've been doing?  SPENDING MONEY for FUN.

Like on my hair. And on my teeth -- damn right you read that correctly:  ON MY TEETH. Because somehow I'm certain that there's NO WAY anyone can take my teeth from me.

So see now? Now you're caught up.

My mother left the day after my birthday to drive to southwest Florida. This is good because since we missed our annual trip last year, when we went this year, she decided she, too, felt like SPENDING MONEY. Really, why the EFF not?

So to make up for last year, she's now made two trips to Florida this year and bought a place so that we can go as often as our schedules might allow in the future. I'm pretty sure she'll move there after my grandfather passes. And I like knowing I have a place to hide, out of state, six miles from the Gulf, if I feel like getting away.

She's on her way back to Texas now, and I'll be glad to see her. I've missed her, and I've missed her help; I'm not ashamed to say it. And I've been keeping her dog, so we've had three dogs in our house for the past nine days, which isn't horrible, but I'm ready for things to be back to normal.

I'm really ready for things to be back to a normal that I'll likely never see again.

Breathe?

Yes, breathe. I sort of played WWSGGD? It's a knock-off of WWJD. And if you don't know what that acronym stands for? Well then you're not very CHRISTIAN, are you?

Anyway, in my moment of panic, and having found more than four hours to myself, which could really drive me mad, I thought, WWSGGD? And he would say, "Yoga. Go To Yoga."

So I went to yoga. My third class this week. And it worked, as it always does, and now? Now I'm on a yoga high, entertaining my son, after his visit today with his father.

I survived. I used my breath. I TALKED to acquaintances, who really do and would qualify as FRIENDS, if I'd allow them inside of my real life outside of the studio, outside of FB ... it takes time. For me, it takes time.

Breathe. Try it.

Wisdom

I've been reading ... I've been underlining ... I have many words from which to choose, should I need words of wisdom.

But right now, I want words of wisdom from someone in particular. Someone I actually know and who knows me. Someone I trust ... and unfortunately he's kind of unavailable, out of the country. This is really the first time he's been unavailable, and I know that if it were an actual emergency, that he would take my call. Hell, he spent hours on the line with me on a particular occasion, when he was out of the country WORKING. I've no doubt he'd take my call now ... but it's not an emergency. And he's really not entirely unavailable. This is not an emergency, and he's not unreachable. Typing those words and looking at them on the screen actually helped.

It's not an emergency. He's there if I need him.

Everything will be OK. Breathe.

The polar opposite of relaxing ...

Seriously, don't demand me to "Quit stressing!," as if it's something I'm doing on purpose, as if I prefer to be stressing at that moment. And especially don't demand it when YOU are the person, knowingly, causing the stress.

Seems like a reasonable request, right?

Exactly.