"I would lie and say that you're not on my mind."

"Dreams ... that's where I have to go to see your beautiful face ..."

I keep having dreams of people from my past. One in particular has been taking up real estate in my head this week.

Like most dreams, this one was strange ... strange that he appeared in another one last night ... someone I knew in college and then reconnected with about six years ago. He was a different person then, is a different person now, no doubt.

In my dream, when I was trying to depart from the scene, I kept trying to write down my phone number for him, and I couldn't write ... the number nine would be a seven, two would be a three ... I was frustrated and kept repeatedly trying a different pen, a different type of paper ... I was running out of time and had to leave. And I realized, maybe that was my brain telling me that the guy I think I miss? Is the guy I *thought* he was when I was 20 years old, a guy from 1995, not the person he may be now. And so even though he was on my mind, and knowing I wrote him off two years ago and haven't heard from him since, I know better than to try to reach out or connect now. There's no reason to do so.

The guy from 1995 no longer exists, nor does my 20-year-old self.