WANTED NEEDED: Magic

So I've been in a funk. And I have been busy, too.

And since I last posted I attended one soccer skills practice Friday night, and a soccer tournament that consisted of (thankfully) four matches, two on Saturday and two on Sunday. We made it to the finals, and it was wonderful and exciting! But I've been in a funk, and my son's father has been present at all of these events, and it's just all creepy and weird and not our NORMAL since, as I may have mentioned, he lived out of state for the past FIVE years.

I'm still struggling with his presence. I'm waiting to hear back from my attorney, which is what I think having an attorney is really all about ... waiting to hear back from them. Waiting. And waiting.

And my family is all fussin' about how to handle this. My father's wife feels bad for BD because she never got to see her father when she was a child (because her mother wouldn't let him see her) ... but this ISN'T EVEN THE SAME THING, LADY.

So she's kind of being a bitch to me, and the whole thing is just a mess.

I'll be ready for the temporary modification orders to come from the court. The court's No. 1 priority will be to ensure his safety and my child's best interest will be the No. 1 priority. My current fear is that if he spends much time with his father, who has no job and has only temporary housing ... if he spends time, bonds more, and then BD fails him once again and has to move back home with his parents, where he's lived the five previous years? Um, that could really hurt my son.

In my opinion, the man has to earn his time with my child, and I believe that's what the court will expect him to do, as well.

I'm so sick of the whole thing. It's taking a major toll on me.

For what it's worth, I've been trying to drink a ton of water today, and my yoga bag is in the trunk of my car, and after my studio hiatus ... walking back through that door this evening will be really hard.

But man, something HAS to help me get out of this FUNK I've been in for ... um, all year maybe? For too damn long. You know the saying, "Sick and tired of being sick and tired."

Yoga's worked magic for me before ... it probably can't hurt anything ... I mean, I'm not sure I could possibly feel worse. So ... yeah ...

There were some other occurances recently that are contributing to my funk ... last week was a bad week ... but that's a post for another time ...

Children, homeless dogs, and Punky Brewster

I really meant to post before now. I mean, my intent is to post frequently, and it's therapeutic and blah-blah-blah ...

And then it was Friday. Sweet, darling Friday, and I was exhausted because I'm always exhausted on Fridays. And my family visits on Friday. Wait, I have family members at my house five days a week. Family members WHO DON'T LIVE there. And I'm always getting irritated because I can't find anything. Any guess as to why? Because I apparently never passed the "life" course "Establishing Healthy Boundaries," and my family members feel it's OK to move shit around without telling me. Or to remove items from my home entirely.

So feel free to come over and rob me anytime, because I'll likely think it was one of my family members who just decided that ring probably needed to be put in the jewelry box and didn't belong on the windowsill above the kitchen sink, which is where *I* left it when I was washing dishes. Kidding. I don't wash dishes. But I do wash my hands, so that's why it was there, m'k? And it'll take me forever to figure out if it was actually stolen, or if someone moved it.

So where was I? ... the point of this update ... oh, how I'm behind because I was a little exhausted Friday, and then I received an email at 5:05 (Friday) from my attorney saying the opposing attorney has issued a general response to the papers that we served 14 days prior. I was kind of impressed, I mean they had 20 days to respond, and they replied in 14 days. Thanks, Friday.

But then I wasn't impressed because I was confused. And mad. And exhausted. And I was going to have to see the ex at my kid's practice that night. The one I attended mostly to prevent a ding-bat family member from talking to him because she doesn't realize he is THE ENEMY right now. Lord, seriously, how am I going to control all of these people????

And the weekend progressed and rolled on, and I'm so sick of fighting and being on edge and being pissed off. I'm so sick of it. And of fever blisters, canker sores, upset stomachs, and insomnia ... And I'm sick of seeing my ex in my city at the kid's functions three times a week. And just when I was about to have a serious breakdown ... I decided it was time ... for our fourth foster dog this year.

Yes, we fostered our first in January, placed him in his permanent home, fostered another in February, repeat March ... and I was skipping April because of all the other crap going on in my life, and I needed a break and that last foster nearly broke my heart when I delivered him to his forever home ... but I saw one who needed a foster, and I was foster-free for like, four entire weeks, so dang it ... YES, I will foster her.

I picked her up Saturday, and I'm telling you, there ain't much cuter than my eight-year-old son walking up to the soccer field toward his father, and the players and families who had arrived just before us, with a damn six pound rescue dog in his arms. My icy heart, frozen cold for months, cracked a bit ... and for some reason, I was almost nice. I blame children combined with homeless dogs ...

So more about my delayed post ... TODAY, the subject of Punky Brewster Frye's blog came up with another writer friend, and I'm not about bashing Punky ... I have enough people in my real life to bash (some family members) ...

But when I looked at the list of "contributors" who contribute to her blog, I'm not sure she writes much of anything there. MORE THAN 30 contributors. And you're damn right I had to read each one's name to make sure it wasn't any of the female bloggers I regularly follow and respect doing work on behalf of Punky. And then that got me all discouraged like, who's gonna read my blog page when Punky's out there?

And then I realized I am here for my own sanity's sake. And to keep up with a few people I used to keep up with before, and to keep some others posted because Facebook has betrayed us all, and then I said, OK, open that window and type this shit out your BRAIN.

That is all.