I had a blog

I had a blog, I suppose I still have that blog ... but I haven't posted in a couple of years ... maybe more ... I don't go back there often. My life is very different now.

So I've been wanting to write more, to post, to blog because what really steered me away from blogging was ... you know ... Facebook. It seemed like a one-stop-shop, and I can post there, too -- you know, "NOTES." And that's what I did ... when it was mostly just my friends on there. Some of the other folks I used to follow via their blogs ... it was definitely before Mrs. Tucker, my third-grade teacher, got on FB and then extended that friend request, and I was all torn about.... should I add her? OK, hell, I'll add her. But I'll be more careful about saying "hell."

And who doesn't remember the awful day you received a friend request ... FROM YOUR MOTHER. Oh lord, she's on FB ... now I'm going to have to be really careful about what I say ... or when I post because lord knows I don't want her asking why I was up at 3 in the morning posting youtube videos of popular 1990s bands.

Are you suffering from insomnia?
Were you drinking?
Is your depression bothering you?
Is everything OK?

Questions. So at any rate, FB is no longer the best place for me to be HONEST. It's not a place where I can vent. (And it's kind of "brag book," and it's getting disgusting.) And so I find myself right back here on Blogger.

And no, everything is not OK right now.

I'm a single-mom.  To a wonderful son.  Who is now eight years old.

His father left the state, when my child was three years old, to return to his home state, where his family resides. I honestly can't tell you how huge of a relief that was for me because when he lived HERE, I played "fake family" for two entire years, trying to allow my son to have as much safe and secure time with his alcoholic father as possible. I supervised visits. I turned him away when he showed up intoxicated.

He was moving away?  Sure, just for six months, to get on his feet ... but ...

RELIEF. I'm friggin' FREE. Oh, OK mostly free. I'll play "fake family" on holidays.

Christmas? I can do it for Christmas, sure. Birthdays? No problem! I can handle, what,  maybe four visits per year? And I'll take the relief of knowing that when he gets arrested for speeding, and being drunk while speeding, he won't call me. Because I'm thousands of miles away.

(He did phone his parents. And they did fetch him ... and he managed to get that violation knocked down to a ticket for "distracted driving" because it was his first offense in Hamilton County.)

Five years later ... he's completed his fourth rehab in the decade that I've known him ... but he's taken it further ... he completed 90-days in a "transitional living" house, after his 28-day stay in-patient. He's seeking aftercare. He's doing what he's supposed to be doing.

And he's coming to visit for Easter. But I can't play "fake family" this time ... I have a life again, and he has no departure date in sight. And he intends to find local "transitional living," and he wants to now be more involved in my son's life.

Well, shit.  See, everything is not OK.  Just don't tell FB.