Distance

You should lay on your side and I'll crawl up behind you. The front of my sunburned knees on the backs of yours. Feet touching, toes grabbing. I'll slip my arms under yours and hug you tight. And put my pointy nose in the crook of your neck. And smell all of the smells, feel all of the feels.

Happy New Year

Nothing says "I love you" more than drool on your head.

Happy New Year.

Confession

I met him for coffee after my Trent time today.

I did the grown-up thing, chose to stick to morals, chose that over desire. It was hard.

And he brought more flowers. Looked like he got all dolled up ... But I did the right thing, and I think we'll still be friends. But I had to set boundaries. Was the right thing.

This staying home when R gone is also hard. To quote Wilco, "I hate it here. When you're gone." And the cold November rain does not help.

Stumbled upon this again today ...

The Laughing Heart by Charles Bukowski

your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.

-- by Charles Bukowski

FC Dallas Select U-11 soccer

When Ryder arrived home tonight and saw his FCD backpack, organized it, tried on all of his gear? It hit me. We're Select. We did it. We didn't talk about it then bail. We're all official.

And I did it w/o financial help from his father or from my parents. Me and Ryder? We did this together. I am proud of us.

Too many words for Twitter

"And that's part of Dad's deal: If he's going to give you money, you're going to listen to all his suggestions about what to do with your life. That's probably every parent's deal. It's why you stand on your own two feet ..." - David Sedaris

Stories unfold

My son is changing, developing, maturing.

I pulled out photo albums in search of pics yesterday, Mother's Day. He flipped through also. Later he had a little meltdown about divorce and why everyone in our family hates each other. His sky was falling. I easily recognized and empathized.

His parents have been divorced longer than he can remember but he is maturing and just now seems to be feeling impact.

I need to write more on this later.