I Wish I Was ... by The Avett Brothers

I wish I was a flame dancing in a candle
Lighting up your living room high on the mantle
I could bring some romance without any scandal
And then when you were done you'd just put me out

I wish I was a tune you sang in your kitchen
Putting your groceries away and washing your dishes
I could float around your tongue and ease the tension
And then when you were done you'd just quiet down

But if I get too close
Will the magic fade?
Would I turn you off or away?
If I pull you in
Would I push you out
Of something here you care about?
I'm at a loss for what to do
I'm drawn to you

I wish I was a sweater wrapped around your hips
And when it got too cold into me you'd slip
And when the sun came back you would hang me up
And I would watch you while you undress

But if I get too close
Will the magic fade?
Would I turn you off or away?
If I pull you in
Now would I push you out
Of something here you care about?
Well I'm at a loss for what to do
But I'm drawn to you

I'm not a song
I am not a sweater
I'm not a fire
I am something better
I'm a man in love writing you a letter
Will you take it
Will you keep it
Will you read it
Believe it
I love you
I'm sorry

A little too late, maybe

You left me here ... to pick up all of the pieces, to take care of everything, to take care of our child. You actually left us long before you left. You're not even alive now.

And when you returned? You pretended, but you were unsettled. You came with a mission to fulfill what others thought you "should" fulfill. And you took shots at me. You stoned me. You still curse my name. And all I did was provide.

You curse me.

Then, just like that? You left us again. AGAIN. And then again another time, now. How many times? Not any more.

So forgive me for now cursing you. You fuck off for good, from my life, please. You have no idea how you affect so many.

And I hope you eventually step up for your son. But should you fail to do so? I'll pick up the pieces, as I've always done.

Waylon quoting Salinger and D reading it aloud ...

“I was half in love with her by the time we sat down. That’s the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they’re not much to look at, or even if they’re sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are.”

― J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

#thingsi

When gansta quotes don't work ... try Taylor Swift?

"Don't you worry your pretty little mind,
people throw rocks at things that shine, and life makes love look hard."

#TaylorSwift

Update: This band, a little gift from the #universe ... and little snapshots

UPDATE: So crap, in case that's too much work for the people, I just went ahead and transcribed Andy Baxter's description of Penny and Sparrow's latest album, "Let a Lover Drown You."

Meaning I typed out the words verbatim from the Baeble interview.

“In short, I guess there’s a feeling in the record that asks you, or anyone who like is gonna give it an honest listen, to take every lover you’ve ever had in your life and put it in a vile and kind of study it. And judge it by as honest of a rubric as you can.  And when you do that, it hopefully will give you a few answers to your life like … what type of love do I put myself in proximity to? What type of love do I deserve? Am I neck deep in an abusive, shitty relationship that I don’t need to be in? Um, what kind of love do I want? And so throughout the whole record you’re looking at like a slide of individual different snapshots of loves in your life. And hopefully, at the end of it, um you’re a little bit closer to getting the love that gives a damn about you and that you deserve. And so that’s why we wrote it; little bitty snapshots of that.”

If you don't have 10 minutes for the video, then listen to this quote at 5:54 - 6:44. However, I recommend watching in full, so ...

The Heartbreak and The Humor of Penny And Sparrow - Baeble Music

Foolish

This is what "busted" feels like.

Gold

This song has been stuck in my head since show Friday. So good.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XDufBOKBlVw

The night

I miss him most when he's asleep, and not with me. When he's vulnerable, and I'm not there with him, to take care of him. I miss that the most.

Wait for it ...

These shall be my control mechanisms:
1) Eventually
2) Not in a hurry

The turn in the road has to come to you before you can take it. Wait for the turn.

Time

When you are awake, and your lover is asleep, and you can't even phone him. And you miss him so much.

Dates and pistachios

When your date is straight out of Waylon Lewis's THINGS I WOULD LIKE to DO with YOU.

http://www.elephantjournal.com/buy-things-i-would-like-to-do-with-you-waylon-lewis/

#waylonlewis #thingsiwouldliketodowithyou

Distance

You should lay on your side and I'll crawl up behind you. The front of my sunburned knees on the backs of yours. Feet touching, toes grabbing. I'll slip my arms under yours and hug you tight. And put my pointy nose in the crook of your neck. And smell all of the smells, feel all of the feels.

Happy New Year

Nothing says "I love you" more than drool on your head.

Happy New Year.

Confession

I met him for coffee after my Trent time today.

I did the grown-up thing, chose to stick to morals, chose that over desire. It was hard.

And he brought more flowers. Looked like he got all dolled up ... But I did the right thing, and I think we'll still be friends. But I had to set boundaries. Was the right thing.

This staying home when R gone is also hard. To quote Wilco, "I hate it here. When you're gone." And the cold November rain does not help.

Stumbled upon this again today ...

The Laughing Heart by Charles Bukowski

your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.

-- by Charles Bukowski

FC Dallas Select U-11 soccer

When Ryder arrived home tonight and saw his FCD backpack, organized it, tried on all of his gear? It hit me. We're Select. We did it. We didn't talk about it then bail. We're all official.

And I did it w/o financial help from his father or from my parents. Me and Ryder? We did this together. I am proud of us.

Too many words for Twitter

"And that's part of Dad's deal: If he's going to give you money, you're going to listen to all his suggestions about what to do with your life. That's probably every parent's deal. It's why you stand on your own two feet ..." - David Sedaris

Stories unfold

My son is changing, developing, maturing.

I pulled out photo albums in search of pics yesterday, Mother's Day. He flipped through also. Later he had a little meltdown about divorce and why everyone in our family hates each other. His sky was falling. I easily recognized and empathized.

His parents have been divorced longer than he can remember but he is maturing and just now seems to be feeling impact.

I need to write more on this later.

Parenthood

ME: "This was in R's school writing journal."

T-Girl: "Awesome. Very sweet."

ME: "I've yet to see one about his father. Have to brace myself for when that happens in the future."

T-Girl (whose son is two years older): "Here's what it looks like.

Mom vs. Dad ..."

Another soccer update

Jedi won this a.m. Opponents scored first. R equalized with a PK, and it was 1/1 at half.

W scored our second goal, then R scored two more (hat trick!).

Opponents came back to score two more goals, but we won with a final of 4/3.

Sporting FC match followed ... was nil/nil at half. Sporting won with two goals in the second half. Second one was R's - just before final whistle. He was happy.

2/nil final.

Both teams undefeated so far for Spring. Five matches between two teams over next eight days.

Love to watch my boy play.